


Steve Fights the Media

by peechtree



Series: Comin' In (On a Wing and a Prayer) [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bisexual Steve Rogers, Blatant Ignoring of Infinity War, Bucky Barnes - Freeform, M/M, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Part 1 so they dont have Bucky back YET, Pepper is so so tired, Protective Steve Rogers, Texting, The first half is humour then serious shit happens in the second half, Twitter, and talking, to set up the series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2018-07-02
Packaged: 2019-06-01 03:43:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15134375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peechtree/pseuds/peechtree
Summary: 4:37 P.M.Pepper Potts: Who taught you to use twitter, SteveSteve: ...SamPepper Potts: You can’t swear at media outlets on twitter SteveSteve: then what did i die for





	Steve Fights the Media

**Author's Note:**

> This installment is the first in the series. The first half is what is suppoooosed to be humorous, the second is Steve angry tweeting and screaming as a set up to the next installment, which will almost certainly cover Bucky's return.  
> Kudos and comments (especially comments) are what motivate more stories, more chapters, and more parts. Feedback, what you liked about it, predictions, requests, the tropes u would like to see! any of that in a comment means so much!

**4:37 P.M.**

**Pepper Potts: Who taught you to use twitter, Steve**

**Steve: ...Sam**

**Pepper Potts: You can’t swear at media outlets on twitter Steve**

**Steve: then what did i die for**

 

**Steve Rogers @CptAmerica**  
**@FoxNews** Fuck off. I am not a right wing political doll,  
don’t put words in my mouth. Also none of ur speakers ties match. Do better.

 

  
**Tony Stark @theultimategenius**  
Good morning I want everyone to know that Steve Rogers says “please” and “thank you” to Siri. He called her Ma’am. 

**Hawkguy @CBarton**  
**replying to @theultimategenius** you talk to AI’s for a living 

**Tony Stark @theultimategenius**  
**replying to @CBarton** do you mind 

 

  
** NYTimes Video Interview with the Worlds Mightiest  **

Most of the team sat on a long couch, awaiting the end of an obligatory interview Pepper had set up to “connect with fans and the public”. As if their social media wasn’t _made_ for that. From left to right the team was seated Sam, Wanda, Clint, Natasha, Bruce, Tony, Thor followed by Steve. 

****

The reporter let the laughter die down from the last question before continuing, “So, to our absolute delight it seems that the whole team has verified Twitter accounts now. Specifically, Captain Rogers has blessed us with some _hilarious_ tweets. If Sam would look to the floor hell find our very fancy painted coffee tin filled with various laughable Cap tweets and we’d like you each to read one.” 

Sam’s face filled with glee as he leaned over the couch arm to reach the tin, “Hell _yes._ ” 

Steve laughed and scrubbed his hands over his face, “I am trying to adjust to society and every single one of you— _laughing_ at me. Bullying an old man.” 

“Shut up Steve, I’m starting,” Sam silenced as he rummaged through the tin, pulling a strip of paper out. He read it for a moment before laughing and reading, “Steve Rogers on December 17th: No one told me non-stick pans exist. The eggs just… slide off.” 

Clint burst out laughing, “No, you guys don’t even have the full story! God, Pepper bought new kitchen shit— can I swear here? No? — _anyway,_ we got new stuff in the communal kitchen and Steve was making breakfast at the ass crack of dawn, and I walk in, half dead and. There’s this stack of, what?, forty-seven sunny side up eggs?” 

“At least forty. He was so amazed.” Natasha cut in.

“He said to me, ‘Tony. Have you seen these? Look!’ and flipped an egg. Forty-seven eggs. It’s true.” 

“I’m being… attacked.” Steve lamented as his own team continued cackling on. Thor’s response was to lean over and inform Steve that he had, in fact, greatly appreciated the ‘large and well cooked morning feast’ Steve had made on the non-stick cookware. Wanda nodded in agreement, still not managing to hide her quiet giggles. 

Sam passed the tweet-tin to Wanda, letting her pick a tweet. She read it for a moment before repeating “Steve tweeted six months ago: why are you tweeting chips at me, I don't know what a Dorito is.” 

Steve jumped ahead from the other voices, “I know _now_ what it is. My body is a...meme,” he looked to Sam for confirmation on his word usage only to find Sam trying to hold in his outburst of laughter. Natasha nodded placatingly. 

In his impatience Clint reached into the tin still in Wanda’s lap and grabbed a tweet. “Literally last week he said: I can’t believe I get defrosted only to find out people don’t say ‘hen fruit’ anymore.” He paused before saying, “I still have no idea what this means.” 

Sighing, Steve rested his elbows on his knees and leaned forward and whispered, “We called eggs ‘hen fruit’ in the 30’s.” 

“Speak up.” Natasha taunted, quirking an amused smirk. 

“It was _slang. Hen fruit._ Eggs. Next tweet.” 

Tony threw his hand out in front of Steve, “No, not next tweet. Explain. Why ‘hen fruit’?” 

Bruce's shoulders were shaking as he folded in on himself with laughter, quietly wheezing ‘hen fruit’ repeatedly. 

“ _Next Tweet._ ” 

The Widow cleared her throat before reading, “‘These bananas aren’t my bananas.’ Oh, is this when we had to tell him about the banana plague?” They all nodded glumly, especially the senior citizen in question. 

The Twitter Tin was passed from Natasha to Bruce. “Oh, it’s one of his earlier ones. ‘@NRA go fuck yourself.’ That’s it. That’s his whole tweet.” 

Tony burst out, “Did he lie?” as Thor not-so-quietly asked Bruce ‘what an NRA is’. 

“I stand by that one.” 

 

**Steve Rogers @CptAmerica**  
Have learned what a furry is!

**maddi w. @fruittree**  
**replying to @CptAmerica**...mr rogers… 

**rogers defence squad @brockhavering2000**  
**replying to @CptAmerica** delete your twitter captain 

**Hawkguy @CBarton**  
**replying to @CptAmerica** JARVIS is disabling urban dictionary on  
ur phone 

 

  
**Wanda Maximoff @ScarletWitch**  
Please do not concern yourselves with the purple  
smoke coming from the tower! All is well and it is not dangerous!  
On a totally, completely unrelated note, I’m going to punch Tony Stark 

 

  
**Buzzfeed @buzzfeed**  
Steve Rogers, AKA Captain America, spotted crying at  
Smithsonian. :( Who hurt you, Steve? Follow the link for the heartbreaking photos! 

**Sammy Wilson @swilson58th**  
**replying to @buzzfeed** Fuck off/you 

 

  
**CNN @CNN**  
James Buchanan Barnes, Captain America’s deceased best friend, Gay? Recently discovered documents suggest so! 1930’s journal pages uncovered! 

**Steve Rogers @CptAmerica**  
**replying to @CNN** SERGEANT Barnes was a HOWLING COMMANDO and died in service. You’ll use his earned title. He did more for this country then I’m sure you ever will (1/?) 

**Steve Rogers @CptAmerica**  
(2/?) Bucky was gay and every day I mourn the fact that I get to live in a generation where blue slips don’t exist and he doesn’t. All I can do to honor this is share his story and demand the respect he deserves, on his behalf 

**Steve Rogers @CptAmerica**  
(3/?) It will be a cold day in Hell before I let the public misconstrue Bucky. He died and killed and fought for a country that would have had him discharged, beaten, and killed. 

**Steve Rogers @CptAmerica**  
(4/4) Bucky was gay. I am bi. America is not inherently straight, history is not straight, don’t let textbooks show it any other way. I expected more from the future.

 

**11:45P.M.**

**Sam Wilson: Do you feel better after your twitter vent?**

**Steve: no**

**Sam Wilson: Do you want to meet me on the communal floor so we can watch movies? I have Thors super-alcohol**

**Steve: are you going to make me talk about feelings in the morning**

**Sam Wilson: Why do you even bother asking**

**Steve: ...Fine**

**Steve: I’ll be there in 5**

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments (especially comments) are what motivate more stories, more chapters, and more parts. Feedback, what you liked about it, predictions, requests, the tropes u would like to see! any of that in a comment means so much!  
> Im not very active on Tumblr but I just made a marvel insta account, if you want to talk about this (or anything in general) hmu at @brunnhildesgf !


End file.
